Michelle Wegner

Not A Very Good Foot Artist

Ok, so I am new to this whole rheumatoid arthritis thing.  I can not even figure out how to spell it.  I'm learning a lot sort of on the fly, as we go.  One thing I have learned is that it affects every person differently.  There is no cure.  One medicine will help one person, but another not at all.  I feel like a human guinea pig.  I hate being experimented upon, especially when it effects my energy level, (and crabbiness level!)

The thing that has struck me about this whole deal is how quickly it has all but debilitated me.  A few months ago my left foot started hurting, then my right, then my knees, shoulders, and now my wrists are killing me.  This illness certainly has the ability to be discouraging.  I can't let it get to me. God has allowed this for a reason.  He gave this to me because for some strange reason he knew I could handle it, and he would receive glory for it.  I'm good with that.

I had to start wearing a brace on my wrist this week.  This is not happy news for me.  I use my hands all the time.  I create to live.  Art is my way of connecting with God.  I really hope he doesn't take the ability to create with my hands away.  I am not a very good foot artist, at least I don't think I am.

My Complaint to the World

I am laying on my couch in the middle of the day. I started a new medication for Rhumetiod Arthritis. It makes my stomach hurt so much I can't eat. My feet and whole body still hurt. Do I quit this awful medicine so at least part of me doesn't hurt? I hate this. Amy Carmichael laid in her bed injured, sick,and weak with no Vicodin for 20 years in India. She never complained, and here I am complaining to the whole world... sigh. I have a long way to go.

The Latest Shoe Rage in Japan

I found out not too long ago that I have rheumatoid arthritis.  It is the worst in my feet and toes.  I'm thinking I won't be buying any of these shoes any time soon.  So much for being fashionable.  I'll stick to my Crocs and Adidas for now! 

These are my favorite...What are people thinking?

Don't Waste Your Pain pt. 2

Ok, so now that I'm over the "Jesus bandaids," here are my thoughts about last weekend's message. 

It's a funny thing being married to a Pastor.  People get all kinds of funny ideas in their heads about what he is like at home or what in the world it is that he does in between times that he is teaching.  Our neighbor boy is so perplexed about this.  I just let the question linger for fun.  "Where is your Dad?" He is always asking me.  I say he's at work, and he just gives me this puzzled look.  It's pretty hilarious.

Anyway, no, Rob doesn't preach to me or the family very often.  He doesn't stand up and sermonize before each meal or before bed.  Usually we just talk or hang out.  He is insanely normal, and that's why I love him.  When Rob is on for the weekend or on a Thursday night, we get to talk about whatever it is that he will be discussing quite a bit.  I am always coming up with the best ideas, but he usually just looks at me funny.  However, whatever it is that he is talking about usually gets in my head and won't go away.  When he is preaching it is almost like I am right there with him going "yeah, yeah, and..."  It's kind of strange and hard to explain.

All that to say this past weekend's message was great for me to hear.  What will I do with the pain in my life?  Will I turn into a hermit, close my windows and doors and not let anyone in?  That's my temptation. 

I feel like sharing this stuff kinda diffuses the pain a bit.  Not that I want to spill my guts to every person I see, or become a leech, sucking the life out of people, but sharing my experience with a few close, personal friends seems to shine the light on these issues and call them out for what they are:  issues of humanity.  We all have them. 

Pain like the Rain

A few weeks ago I decided to "go public" about the issue of pain.  Some people were shocked at this disclosure, but believe me, You get to see parts of my life on this here blog, but....there are parts of me that you won't be reading about on my blog....Like about when Maddie and I were shopping the other day and I picked up a box of Pepsi Max (lots of caffeine, plus ginseng to make you smart) and she said, Mom, you should buy those and drink one every morning before you wake us up so you are not so grumpy." 

Ok, so I shared that, but that was kind of funny.  Mostly, I shared about dealing with physical pain because I know that so many people do but never really say anything because they are AFRAID that other Christians will come over to their house and cast demons out of them, or secretly "lay hands" on them in passing, or worse, put their name along with all the gory details of their illness on the prayer web without  permission. Or, most likely, people are afraid of sharing about this stuff because it makes them appear weak or vulnerable. 

Pain is part of being human.  When we travel in India, I am reminded of how good we have it here in America.  About every 3rd person you see in India has something physically apparent and wrong with them.  Here, if we see some one like that, we cringe and think them "unclean".

Pain has taught  me a lot about myself, a lot about Jesus, and a lot about life.  I look forward to sharing more on this topic soon.

On Tortes and Aging

Apparently, 34 is the year you get old.  Well, maybe not you, but me.  I've been very healthy my whole life.  I hit 34 and fell to pieces.  At least it feels that way right now.  I made a chocolate raspberry torte yesterday.  I was pretty darn proud of myself, but all I kept thinking about was that this is something my Grandma should be making, not me!  I'm not old enough to make something like a torte!  Perhaps it was because I was having a pity party for myself. 

I found out this week I have rheumatoid arthritis.  I was shocked and saddened by that piece of news.  You know it's bad news when it's the doctor's voice on the other end when you say "hello" and not his nurse calling to tell you everything's ok.  The rheumatoid arthritis wouldn't be so bad in and of itself.  On top of it, I have a torn nerve in my back, scoliosis, a herniated disc....and bone spurs.  Ouch.  Next thing you know I will be pouring bacon grease on all my family's meals like my Grandma did. 

I'm trying to be brave.  Trying to tough it out and put a smile on my face.  Trying to learn.  Trying to grow.  Trying to stay close to Jesus and find out what He has to say about all of this.  Mostly, I'm trying not to have any more pity parties.  The torte turned out just right.  It only took me 34 years to make one.  Perhaps Jesus knew he could trust me with this trial just now.  And so, I walk (or should I say limp) ahead into the unknown and wonder.... 

Scoliosis,Arthritis,etc.

I've not said anything much to anyone I don't know very well about my back troubles.  I hold my breath while writing this, knowing that someone, somewhere will take it upon themselves to "heal me".  Really, I don't need healing from anyone but Jesus, so thank you for asking before you did.

OK, so, my back has been hurting me for 10 years.  Being that I am only 34, it's pretty discouraging.  The past two have been especially difficult.  With Isabelle's early delays, I had to carry her much longer than I did with the other girls.  Even now, Belle wears out much faster than most children her age, and just plain needs some help.  So, being her Mom, I carry her.

I've been going to the same doctor for 10 years.  I decided it was time for a change when the last appointment I had with this doctor ended with him laughing when I brought up the fact that my pain is getting much worse....."pat, pat...you just go take this medicine and try to relax...."

I know I am not crazy.  I know how badly my back hurts, and how it has been increasing over the past few years.  I got a new doctor.  He took one look at my back, heard my story, and ordered an MRI right away.

He referred me to a pain clinic, which is where I went today.  Turns out I have some pretty bad arthritis, a torn nerve root, torn cartilage, narrowing, a shallow central protrusion, and scoliosis!

Scoliosis?  Isn't that bad?  I remember getting the check up in middle school gym class.  Bend over.  Touch your toes.  She looks fine.

20 years later, I AM NOT FINE! 

I say all of this to say, If you are hurting for 10 years, FIND A NEW DOCTOR.  I really wish I hadn't waited so long.