Further Up, Further In

My humility (By Renee)

I can shrug off the everyday embarrassments - having toilet paper stuck to my shoe, tripping over myself in the store - just fine. It's the embarrassments that reveal my character that are most embarrassing to me. I shared this with my peeps (yes, I do feel we are peeps now) at Panera on Tuesday. I didn't want to but sometimes I know when God is nudging me to share something I don't want to. This was one of those times. It's also a healing process for me.

I am the holder-together of most everything in our house.  Bills, dr. appointments, laundry, grocery shopping, insurance-getting, entertainment ideas, wills, you name it it's my responsibility. Mostly that's my fault. I took on that role when Jeremy and I first got together. I got him his first car loan, lined up insurance, negotiated the price and all that. I guess it was my instinct to take care of him that way. As life went on, life got more hectic. Two children came along and I was losing my mind - still am - slowly but surely. But we were keeping our heads above water, or so I thought.

One night in the middle of January, someone began pounding on our door at 2 in the morning. It was a repo man coming to take our van away, our family car.  I was horrified, embarrassed, humbled, and did I mention horrified? This couldn't be happening! If I would have thought we were in danger of losing our car I would have done something! This can't be right! To this day I don't even think we were 30 days late but I know now that that wasn't the reason this had to happen.

I cried. I cried all night. I messed up big time. I had lost our car. Well lo and behold our only option at this point was to get a new loan for the car but our credit stinks and we can't. I'm sick to my stomach. I can't think of anything else all day. We only have 9 days to get this all figured out before they will extinguish our options. I called my manager to tell her what is going on. I'm mortified that I am telling someone about my troubles. I have to take a hard swallow to push down the tears, to stay strong, to be this image of who I think I should be. I was NOT one to ask for help from anyone EVER. But this time I had to open up, for my family. I told Amy what happened and without batting an eyelash she said she'd get it taken care of. She went to the owner of our company and he co-signed on a new loan for us. As if it were nothing. I was shocked that anyone would care enough to help us out, that I wasn't ostracized but embraced.

This was so much bigger than my finding humility - it was about finding Jesus. My biggest barrier to my relationship with Christ is my own pride. I am so unwilling to expose my failures/mistakes that sometimes it is what does me in. I convince myself that I can do it all by myself. I don't need any help from anyone because I am super-capable. I am smart and resourceful. I don't need anyone. Jesus pushed the big red button and said "EEEEHHHHHHHHHHH, wrong! I am in control of everything, not you. You don't need to keep the world on your shoulders because I've got it in my hands". What a relief! I have a Jesus who is SO BIG, big enough to help me when I need it and who can take any sin and God-filter it for good. I am so blessed to be loved so much.

God Keeps us Humble

Ok, so, if you were at Panera last Tuesday morning you heard my most "embarrassing" moment ever of my entire life.  I dropped a cell phone on a dead guy.  Yep.  People mourning and grieving all around me.  I drop my cell phone on him.  Talk about God keeping you humble.  Whenever I start to think I am really cool, or have "arrived" I will remember that moment, or if I am too caught up in myself to think of it, gently remind me, and I will snap back to reality immediately.

Everyone shared a story about how God has kept them humble from time to time.  Now it's time for you to share yours!  If  you have a Typepad invite, go ahead and post it to the draft and I will post it later.  Other wise you can leave it as a comment or email me and I will post it.  I am not the only one here!  I want some stories!

Humility.

We bow our Hearts, We bend our knees,Oh Spirit come make us humble.   We turn our eyes from evil things, Oh Lord we cast down our idols.

So give us clean hands ,

Give us pure hearts.

Let us not lift our souls to another.

Give us clean hands,

Give us pure hearts.

Let us not lift our souls to another.

And God let us be A generation that seeks,

That seeks your face Oh God of Jacob.

And God let us be A generation that seeks,

That seeks your face Oh God of Jacob.

Submission

And so we move to the Spiritual Discipline of Submission.  I appreciate the way Valerie Hess writes about submission.  So often when I hear that word, I automatically think of submitting within the context of a marriage or in church.  I have no problem with either, but I am glad she broadened the use of the word and the discipline. 

I think the area of submission within church and marriage and  has been talked about to death.  In studying submission this week, lets try to think outside of those two boxes.  Lets think of submitting to God in other areas of our lives.  Some examples might  be submitting to God by:

• Giving up the need to be right
• listening to and accepting criticism from others
• Not speeding
• Not littering
• Being on time for events

Those are some of my ideas.  What are some of  yours?

The Holy Silence

I Give Up by Renee

I'm done. Finished. I'm tired of trying and am giving up. I'm tired of creating plans and schedules to try to fit everything into my life that I think I need only to have my own lack of discipline trample my plans and crush my spirit. So I'm finished. I give up. I can't do it.

Ican't do it but my Lord, Jesus Christ, is more than capable. I've tried for as long as I can remember to get control over my temper. I hate yelling at my kids. I hate feeling like I'm letting a PMS monster rule my life, even when I'm not PMSing. Seriously, am I that weak???

Yes.

There is no TRY. There is DO or DO NOT. I believe this to my core - If I allow something to happen or not happen it is because it fulfills some desire within me and whether I want to admit it or not, it shows where my priorities lie.

My anger gets results. It gets me attention. I have my tantrums like a 3-year old and people hurry to shush me by obeying me. But it makes me angrier because I realize I've just acted like a baby. My mood ends up being a prison for the rest of the day, for me and for my family.

Not anymore. Last Tuesday night I drew a line in the sand and decided to quit sinning against my family.  I quit trying. IT'S DONE. I don't yell and haven't for 7 days. I have not raised my voice once. That's a straight-up miracle for me. I give myself time-outs for peace and sanity. I don't yell. I laugh. I still get results.

Discipline: Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.

(I thought using the word you are defining in the definition was bad???)

I disagree with this definition. I've tried self-control. I am weak and sinful. I don't need self-control. I need Jesus-control.

Lord, Jesus, I pray that you discipline me daily like a loving parent does a child. Keep the line in the sand dark so I can see. Remind me daily who is in control. It is not me and my lists. You are in constant control of me and please keep pushing me aside so you can rule.

Be Still!

I posted this on my Blog tonight, and when I was finished, I remembered we are talking about the Discipline of Solitude this week, So I thought it would add it to this blog as well!

I've been feeling really anxious and kinda down lately. It's not been the best week at work. I didn't get my hours changed because I need to get my production numbers higher. Others did better than me, so I'm beating myself up and feeling small. Why? It's because I've been placing my worth on the fact that I didn't measure up at work. That's absurd! Why do I let work determine my identity? God loved me enough to die for me! I shouldn't be letting my work hours determine my identity! I was doing research online tonight about how to "Be Still & Know that He is God", and came across this writing from Bill Hybels:

How to hear God It's an honor to be able to speak to God.

We don't have to go through a priest or a saint or any other intermediary. We don't have to follow any prescribed rituals. We don't have to wait for an appointment. Anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances we can approach the throne of grace with confidences, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Heb. 4:16). Ironically, though, most of the time we think of prayer as talking to God, rarely stopping to wonder whether God might want to talk to us. You can almost sense God saying, If we enjoy a relationship, why are you the one doing all the talking? Let me get a word in somewhere.

The importance of listening:

People who are really interested in hearing from God must pay a price: they must discipline themselves to be still before God. This is not an easy task, but it is essential. Be still, and know that I am God (Ps. 46:10). God's power is available to you when you come to Him in solitude, when you learn how to focus and center your heart, and be quiet before Him. Then you find that His leadings come through to you clearly, with little interference. Set aside a half-hour each day (preferably in the morning) and be still with God. Use the time to reflect on the previous day, write out your prayers, and invite the Lord to speak to you. Custom-design an approach that will still your racing mind and body, soften your heart, and enable you to hear God's voice. If journals aren't your thing, try talking quietly to God, then have a period of listening.

Ask God questions.

What's the next step in developing my character? At what educational goals should I aim? What's the next step in my ministry? What's the next step in my vocation? In what direction should my dating relationship go? What should I do for my children? How should I plan my giving? Keep your ears tuned to Him each day. It is possible to be aware throughout the day, even while going about your daily work, of God's gentle promptings. That's what it means to live by the spirit (Gal 5:16). These on-the-spot promptings are not a substitute for unhurried quiet time with God. In fact, they tend to come when you regularly make time for stillness and solitude. You don't need to feel upset if sometimes God chooses to remain silent. He's a living Being, not an answering machine, and He speaks when He has something to say. If we aren't willing to follow up on the Holy Spirit's leading, He may see no reason to continue speaking.

Usually the reason we don't hear His voice is that we don't listen for it. We don't schedule times of stillness that make communication possible. Turn off the TV, radio, CD player, and formally invite Him to speak to you. How can you be sure that a leading is truly from God? All leadings that come from God are consistent with God's Word, the Bible. The surest way to test the source of a leading is to check it against Scriptures. God's leadings are usually consistent with the person He made you to be. God is purposeful; He wants to use you in the areas of the gifts and talents He gave you. God's leadings usually involve servanthood rather than being self-serving. He will call you to humble yourself, serve somebody, encourage somebody, or give something away.

From How to Hear God by Bill Hybels, copyright (c) 1988, 1998, 1999. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, Ill. Bill Hybels is pastor of Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Ill. Inspiration Archive | Monday, March 13, 2000

I honestly had never heard of sitting STILL in God's presence until I met with Kathy Guy. Thank you Kathy! I have tried it a few times, but really need to get back into it; just setting a time aside to sit in His presence and Be Still. No wonder I'm basing my worth and identity on my job status and what I think others think of me! How can I base my identity on the REAL THING, if I'm not being grounded in His Word and sitting STILL in His presence? I honestly have no excuse!  I mean sure I work full time, but I don't have little munchkins saying my name and needing me 24/7 when I am at home!  Coming across this article tonight was a total God thing! :) I'm setting up an Appointment for tomorrow morning to spend time with the One who created me, loves me, and knows me inside & out!

Jennifer L

Solitude

This week we are moving on to the spiritual discipline of Solitude. When I think about this discipline at this time in my life I almost laugh out loud.  Solitude?  Yeah, right.  I am lucky if I get time alone in the shower!  Usually someone is banging on the door needing or wanting something. 

Solitude.  Time for another re-define for me.  What does solitude look like at this time in my life?  I'm not sure yet.  I'd like to find out.

What does solitude mean to you?  How do you take advantage of times alone throughout  your day?

Time to Talk Back

Tell a story about the simplest time in your life, the most complicated, or both.

 

This week we are moving from Simplicity to Solitude.  While we are on that path, we should do some soul searching.

 

What have we learned so far?

Are you on information overload?

  Do you need to chill out?

Do you need more?

Do you like the blog?

Are you neutral about it?

What has been the most helpful thing you have learned over the past few weeks?

Is there anything you want to say about the group?

Is the Glass Half Empty or Half Full?

Here is a blog I posted on my blog on 8/5/08.  Michelle asked me to post it here.  I'm not familiar with typepad, so I couldn't figure out how to post the pic along with it.  I also don't think my bolded words are bolded here.  If you want to check out the pic, my blog is www.jennifruit.blogspot.com.  Enjoy! :)

I love this picture! Isn't it cool? It's another one that I found on the internet. Our Tuesday morning Women's Group is Studying a book by Valerie Hess called "Spiritual Disciplines Devotional - A Year of Readings." I will paraphrase Valerie's definition of Spiritual Disciplines. Spiritual Disciplines are "habits" or "tools" which teach us to respond to God and to the people around us is ways that look more like the ways Jesus responded during his life on earth.

This morning we talked about the Discipline of Simplicity. The Discipline of Simplicity is "An overall attitude of contentment and gratitude manifested in a visible way of living that includes not trying to do too much or have too much."

I struggle a lot with comparing myself to others and not feeling like I measure up. I mean I'm 34 years old and I'm renting a bedroom of a house! Many people my age own homes and are far better off financially than I am. There's a measure of being hard on myself, but if I'm completely honest, there's also a measure of envy for what other's have that I don't have. Even though I'm making much better financial choices now, it's still very hard making it on one income and doing it all alone with no other person or income (or credit card) to rely on for financial help and security. It's hard for me to picture even being able to afford to live alone again, let alone to purchase a condo or a house someday. Plus, I sold most of my furniture when I moved from an Apartment to a bedroom. Ok, so that's my glass half empty version. I'm working really hard on being "REAL". So there you have it, this is me being REAL with what I struggle with sometimes.

"It takes purposeful training to keep our focus on all that we do have, to affirm that our glass is more than half full." Valerie Hess

Valerie nails it on the head in the above quote! She suggests keeping a written list of all of our blessings and looking at it regularly. The Apostle Paul also nails it on the head in Philippians 4:12: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

My glass truly is half FULL and I am truly BLESSED! Here are just a few of the reasons why (in no particular order):

• I have plenty of food to eat
• I have a bed to sleep in which is in a house with ac/heat (depending on the season)!
• I have a job with a stable income
• I have wonderful family
• I have many wonderful friends
• I love my roommates
• My roommates love me
• This house is so homey and I am blessed to have found this living situation - I don't think there's anywhere else I'd rather be living right now!
• I live 6 blocks from where I work
• I love living in community with other Christian women
• I am in good health
• My nephew's open heart surgery (b/c of God of course!) saved his life last September
• My Mom is currently cancer free
• I have health insurance
• I have a great Church where I am loved and am constantly learning about Boundaries and changing my unhealthy habits and old ways of thinking, and learning to take responsibility for my life
• Most importantly: I am saved by grace through faith and God loves me unconditionally, even when I fall back into my "playing the victim mentality"

My cup is OVERFLOWING and Jesus knows what I need better than I do! =-)

"My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

What about you? Is your glass half empty or half full?